If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
