biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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