Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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