Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
