you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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