Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
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