Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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