speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
