I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
