can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
