I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
