I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
