obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
