i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
