remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
