I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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