So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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