Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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