Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
