I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
