I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
