Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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