white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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