Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
