just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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