It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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