He disabled his match.com account in front of me
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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