I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
