She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She's the barista slut.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
