if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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