she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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