I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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