Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
