my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
