I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
honey bunches of taint.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
