we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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