just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
