I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
why do cheetos always look like penises
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
