the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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