singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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