Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
