Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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