God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
