Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
