If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize
