Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
