Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize