thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
