I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
