I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday