Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
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We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
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There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!