I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.