I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.