you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
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Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
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I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.