Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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