she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
This is my gift to your gina
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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