He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
