There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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