I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
