I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
