So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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