just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
