just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
