Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
