ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
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