I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the condom got lost in my hair
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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