Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
