Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just pee around me
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
