so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
she looked like the before picture.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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