Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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