rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
