Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
