ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
