Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
