I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
