so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
